We are so familiar with complaining that we don’t even recognise its presence in our interactions. It has become part of us—and, according to rumours on the internet, so have its consequences. The whining we are told we do every minute of every conversation has the power to destroy our neurons.
Much-cited online research suggests that we should take seriously the apparent warning from Stanford sociologists that even half an hour of whining a day—emitted or received—is capable of irreversibly damaging neurons in the hippocampus, “the part of the brain used for problem solving and cognitive function,” as FastCompany notes, among others.
But the fact that the hippocampus is involved not in problem solving, but in storage and retrieval (i.e. storing new information and transferring recent memories to long-term memory) casts a shadow of uncertainty over the warning that has already gone viral. And rightly so. A more persistent Google search reveals that the headline, while appealing in its mix of insight and alarm, is actually a gross misrepresentation of the data.
What the study actually says
In reality, the Stanford study wasn’t about everyday complaining, or even everyday stress, but about stress that has reached chronic levels; the constant pressure that rewrites the parameters of our lives and puts them under the sign of anxiety. Complaining is indeed one of the factors that sometimes contribute to an increase in everyday stress, but it was not the subject of the study. Moreover, according to the author of the study, it does not even draw any definitive conclusions about the effects of stress. The current findings “do not prove that stress causes brain shrinkage,” said Prof. Robert Sapolsky, the study’s coordinator. More long-term studies are needed before such a conclusion can be drawn, “perhaps some that measure the brains of soldiers before and after involvement in war.”
On the other hand, the link—which none of the viral sources cited above deny—between whining and stress is curious, given that respectable studies say that whining is actually a mechanism by which we try to relieve stress, not exacerbate it.
Why we whine
Research published in 1992 was intended to whet the appetite for empirical research into why we complain. What are the functions of whining in social communication?
The researchers began with a small experiment in which they asked students to keep a diary of their complaints for three consecutive days, twice a term. The students had to record the subject of their complaint, why they expressed it and what response it elicited. The log summaries showed that more than 75% of the complaints were not instrumental in nature, meaning that they were not intended to change a particular situation, but rather focused on expressing frustration or eliciting empathy from others—in other words, self-pity.
One of the functions of complaining is to release us emotionally from frustration. Not necessarily from its source, but from the burden of negative feelings it causes us; to let off some steam. Closely related, when the source of frustration is associated with an event/situation that is beyond our control, complaining can be a way of trying to regain a sense that we have not let go of the reins. But complaining can also contribute indirectly to control if, by influencing those who hear it, it changes their behaviour towards the source of frustration.
Often, complaining is aimed at gaining understanding from others, seeking validation or “the listener’s agreement with the complainant’s subjective interpretation of events,” the researchers say. But it may also be that the complainer uses complaining to tell others that a particular situation, behaviour, etc. is below his or her expectations.
Interestingly, the researchers found that although the subject of the complaint varied widely, from “obligations” to “disappointment” and from “obstacles” to “wanting change”, the most common response was 94% agreement, out of a range of possible responses: agreement, disagreement, empathy, trying to solve the problem, detachment and no response.
Stress and gratitude
A study published in 2003 reaffirmed conclusions drawn by psychologists as early as the 1980s, when they began to observe correlations between positive and appreciative attitudes and people’s quality of life. However, like any correlational study, the drawback of the old research was that it did not establish which influenced which: whether gratitude produced well-being or well-being produced gratitude.
The 2003 study proposed a novel way to shed some light: it sought a simpler and less ambiguous way to determine the causal relationship by setting up a report-based experiment. The researchers randomly assigned over 100 college students into three groups. The first group was instructed to list five things they were grateful for over the past week, for 10 consecutive weeks. The second group listed five things that irritated them each week, while the third group recorded any five events that had taken place during the same time period. At the end, the researchers measured their mental well-being using several indicators and found that the group that counted their blessings had significantly better mental stamina and overall well-being than the other two groups.
A study of a small number of people (45) published in 1998 claimed that eliminating habitual negative thinking (repeatedly returning to a negative “favourite” thought theme) reduced blood cortisol levels by 23 per cent. Some extrapolated from this that practising gratitude must have the same effect, but this hypothesis could not be verified in a subsequent study on more subjects (119) published in 2016. However, more recent research has again found an improvement in overall quality of life through better sleep quality and lower blood pressure.
The culture of gratitude
We should not expect gratitude to spring naturally from the heart in the midst of any and all circumstances. It has to be cultivated and practised to create a neural pathway that translates into a habit of being grateful rather than dissatisfied.
Professor Robert Emmons of Yale University, author of Gratitude as a Psychotherapeutic Intervention, summarises three practical tips for starting a more grateful life.
“One of the first steps in gratitude practice is attention,” says the professor. Start by noticing all the things in your life that you take for granted: Did you sleep well? Was someone nice to you? Did you look at the sky and have a quiet moment? Notice all these things and collect them as a treasure trove of positive things. But, the teacher stresses, remember that paying attention also means recognising that difficult or painful moments can be instructive for your life, so you can be grateful for them too.
Write down your reasons for being grateful in a journal or letter. This will help you to organise your thoughts, accept your experiences, put them into context and even remember them during more difficult times. A gratitude journal will help you extract or construct meaning from everyday experiences. If you treat them as gifts, you will frame them in gratitude and give them a beautiful meaning.
When expressed, gratitude connects us to others. If we take a moment to think, we will surely identify the many people who have made our lives better than they would have been without them. Passing on our gratitude, if we can do so, is a win-win situation for us and for them.
It remains for scientists to explore the extent to which complaining as an adaptive mechanism actually reduces stress. But until then, let’s take advantage of what we already know for sure: that the opposite of complaining, expressing gratitude, has health benefits. Yes, gratitude is probably not the ultimate remedy for the inner turmoil of the present. But we can be grateful that it has enough effect to make it worth practising every day—even if sometimes it’s not just a lack of gratitude that gets in the way, but something as counterintuitive as a multitude of choices.