The term “self-care“, which refers to a focus on one’s own needs and personal balance, is increasingly prevalent in contemporary discourse. Under the motto “Love yourself!”, this culture of self-care claims to pave the way towards loving others genuinely.
The term “self-care” has come to encompass a staggering range of meanings, covering practically any action aimed at fulfilling one’s own needs. It refers to being aware of one’s own boundaries and needs, and making choices that promote our physical, emotional, and mental health. The range of activities through which we can achieve this goal seems endless. In practice, this can mean anything from a luxury holiday or a scented salt bath in your own tub to an evening run or treating yourself to some creamy chocolate.
While the concept of self-care has recently gained popularity, in the 1960s and 1970s it was purely a medical term referring to healthy habits adopted by patients requiring long-term care.
Messages such as: “Put yourself at the top of your to-do list and everything else will fall into place!”, “Looking after yourself isn’t selfish”, and “Looking after yourself is a necessity, not a luxury” are very popular. As the Beatles song goes, “All you need is love”. John Lennon expanded on this message, saying that we need to learn to love ourselves “in all our glory and imperfection” if we wish to develop our capacity to love others. This is a message that we find slightly embellished in teachings that claim to be rooted in biblical truth.
Self-care: a brief history of the concept of self-care
The concept of self-care has recently become more popular, but in the 1960s and 1970s it was purely a medical term referring to patients requiring long-term care in adopting healthy habits. It subsequently spread to professions at risk of emotional burnout on the premise that looking after oneself is essential for effectively dealing with the problems of others.
The Esalen Institute in California is considered the birthplace of the modern wellness movement, promoting the development of human potential and alternative medicine, says Shahidha Bari, a lecturer at the University of the Arts London. Founded in the 1960s by two Stanford University graduates, Michael Murphy and Dick Price, the institute went on to become a centre promoting the beliefs and practices of the New Age movement.
The counterculture and civil rights movements contributed to the spread of ideas about self-care, including through health initiatives led by women and African-American communities.
Thus, self-care has evolved from a medical concept into a multidimensional wellness movement focused on making conscious choices to lead a healthy lifestyle. Recent events such as the 11 September attacks, the 2016 elections, and the pandemic, as well as overwork and technology, have heightened interest in self-care.
Is self-love a secular slogan or biblical advice?
There are many benefits to exercising, getting enough sleep, eating healthily, setting healthy boundaries with others, and engaging in activities that nourish us physically, intellectually, and spiritually. However, the modern-day mantra of self-care is that we are fine exactly as we are, writes author Katherine Ladd. The idea is that if we loved ourselves enough to like what we see inside ourselves, many of our problems would disappear. This message promises to solve real problems such as depression, frustration, and burnout, but it does nothing more than distract us from them. We must look after our minds and bodies because they are gifts from the Creator, not because we can fix ourselves. It is precisely these practices that lead to healthy self-care and keep our gratitude towards our Lifegiver alive.
The message “You are enough!” is comforting, and its advocates are often well-intentioned, notes writer Aimee Joseph. She emphasises that she appreciates the efforts to correct a culture that glorifies beauty, performance, and perfection. However, this message inevitably falls short because it overlooks the damage that sin has wrought upon humanity, as well as the beauty and perfection bestowed by Jesus Christ upon His children. When we accept that we will never be good enough in this sinful world, we can rely on the Only One who has the power to transform us into His image. In fact, Scripture reveals that we are not enough in ourselves, but we are more than enough in Him, as Joseph points out.
The self-care movement is based on the idea that we deserve to look after ourselves, and that we should love ourselves enough to do so in ways that bring us joy. However, there are many ways to love ourselves, writes Grace Liu in an article analysing the facets of self-love.
The message to love yourself stems from a Buddhist conception of human nature, argues Liu. The Buddha said that you could search the entire universe for a person worthy of your love, but you would not find anyone who deserves it more than you deserve it yourself. This teaching is found in many Christian discourses that seek to add a third commandment to those given by Jesus in Matthew 22:34–40: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’ . . . ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
A view of self-love that is not in line with the Bible leaves us feeling both unsatisfied and unholy when we reject the messages our consciences send us. Christ invites us to come to Him just as we are, not to remain in our current state. We need to view ourselves correctly, stepping out of the ranks of those who are “lovers of themselves” rather than “lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:1–5), and accept God’s overwhelming love.
Christian therapist Doug Britton points out that loving your neighbour as yourself is quite different from loving others only after you have managed to love yourself. It is part of our human nature to love ourselves and want the best for ourselves. This concern for our own well-being cuts through even self-destructive behaviour and negative self-perceptions. Loving one’s neighbour involves following the same path: we must be concerned for the welfare of our fellow human beings and help them when they are in need, rather than retreating into our own concerns.
From self-love to love modelled on Jesus
When we focus unhealthily on our own needs, desires, and achievements, we set out on a path that leads to a dead end sooner or later. However, the more we focus on God’s love, the more we find meaning and purpose in a world without signposts. We are freed from the pressure of comparison and the need to keep up with others. We are also freed from the illusion that we can free ourselves from burdens by unleashing the power hidden within us and from the pretence that we deserve the very best.
When we love as He does, we can step outside the narrow circle of our own interests and see the needs of those around us clearly. This love does not offer mere trifles; it does not wait for a surplus to appear, but rather it sacrifices itself for the sake of others. Caring for our own well-being is part of wisely managing what He has given us, so that we can devote ourselves to His service. This service involves serving even His most insignificant brothers and sisters in one form or another.
If we truly believe that “life is more than food, and the body more than clothing” (Luke 12:23), we will have the courage to entrust ourselves to the One who loves us “with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3) and allow Him to teach us the lessons of love and true goodness. If we meet self-denial (John 15:13), sacrifice (Matthew 5:42), and humility (Philippians 2:3) along this path, we will know we are heading toward the healing that even the self-love evangelists are desperately seeking, as they grow sicker all the while.