Young love can be intoxicating, exhilarating and filled with passion. While many young relationships are healthy and positive, some can take a concerning turn.
As your teen ventures into the world of dating, they may struggle to differentiate between passionate affection and controlling behaviour.
Our daughters aren’t the only ones at risk. Anybody can be a victim of coercive control, male or female. If we want our kids to enjoy healthy relationships, here are some warning signs they should watch out for, as shared by counsellor and author Daisy Turnbull.
1. Love bombing
There is so much love and so much affection moving rapidly, making you feel incredibly adored and whole with this person. While there can be other indicators and red flags, this one, when intentionally applied, can camouflage all the others.
2. Isolation from friends and family
Isolation doesn’t just come in the form of “your mum is a whackjob, I don’t want to have lunch with your family today”. It might be that the partner makes it difficult for your teen to see their friends. They might say a friend should be a “solo friend” who your teen sees on their own, and then ensure there is never time to see them. This happens slowly. It happens incrementally and the victim is the frog in the pot. They do not realise they are being boiled.
3. Controlling movements
A lot of this happens online. Checking when someone has been online on a chatting/social media app, or getting alerts whenever they tweet or post online are forms of surveillance that can tell someone exactly what another is doing. Apps such as Find My iPhone or Find My Friends, designed to keep us safe, can also keep us very controlled.
4. Invasions of privacy
Invasions of privacy can go hand-in-hand with controlling someone’s movements. They can also be part of love bombing. “He likes me so much he wants us to share our locations with each other.” Sometimes this is perpetrated in ways that can appear coincidental, such as becoming friends with your friends or finding new points of contact that embed the person in your life further.
There are five more red flags teens should watch out for in their relationships. Read about them here.