I was twenty when I first became curious about God. I was fortunate to see His presence in the lives of my friends and longed for that same presence in my own life.
At that time, I discovered Him as a Creator and Almighty God. I embraced His Word—the Scriptures—as the guiding principle for my life and was willing to listen and sacrifice whatever He asked of me. I followed all the revealed commandments and experienced many blessings that come from obedience. I made a covenant with Him and still celebrate that day each year. What I discovered then sustained me through the next twenty years, but I realise now that knowing a few other things would have helped me even more.
I wish I had known that God sees me and that this alone is enough. I wish I had been convinced back then that He knows my sadness, my struggles, my doubts, my confusion, and everything behind them—and that He cares. It would have been helpful to understand that when He doesn’t intervene immediately, it’s often to give me enough time for reflection, growth, and surrender, not because He isn’t answering or because I’m not hearing Him. I would have liked to know that His love doesn’t always mean placing me in a protective bubble, but rather supporting my ongoing growth process. I would have encountered a God deeply interested in my daily life, in every minute of my day. I would have found, sooner in life, a God who provides space and support, rather than one with a multitude of buttons to press only when I needed help.
I wish I had known that God isn’t just a God of “musts,” but also a God of indulgence. Had I understood this, my relationship with Him might have been less tense. I would have experienced more moments of small joys and fleeting satisfactions. I would have realised that He doesn’t only focus on my weaknesses, offering opportunities and advice to overcome them and grow; He also sees the hidden needs even I am unaware of, the sensitivities I’ve struggled against but which He gave me as blessings. I would have understood that I matter down to the smallest details, and that I can’t earn my place beside Him—His goodness comes into my life regardless of who I am or what I do.
I would have realised sooner that I find Him in the quiet moments of morning meditation, in the chirping of birds that makes me smile, in the rain that helps me express myself, in the surprises throughout the day. I would have grasped that He is so vast, He cannot be confined by the forms and rules I often created for the sake of maintaining holiness and devotion to Him. I would have understood that He loves me simply because that’s who He is, not because of who I am.
I wish I had known that God has, and will use, a thousand other ways to redirect me after my wrong choices. Twenty was an age of decisions that seemed monumental at the time: the relationships I formed, the career I believed was right, the place I chose to settle. Gradually, I came to understand that life is much more dynamic in reality. If I had understood back then that it’s better to act with the risk of making mistakes than to stay still when uncertain, I would have discovered that some things only become clear once you start moving.
It would have been easier for me to take risks, start projects, and have the courage and curiosity to try things differently. I would have been freer to dare, to push beyond limits, to step out of my comfort zone, and to let go of life’s clichés. I might have left certain situations or relationships earlier—ones I lingered in out of guilt or because I took too much responsibility for the mistakes I made. I would have understood more easily that God doesn’t waste a single drop of my pain; that unpleasant situations are allowed for my growth, offering opportunities for development, and that the people I find myself in conflict with are, in fact, life’s teachers.
I wish I had known that while He is unchanging, I am not. I would have realised sooner that my personal development also shifts the angle from which I perceive God, and that change in perspective shouldn’t frighten me, even when I discover surprisingly new or contradictory aspects of Him. I would have accepted that when I don’t understand Him or find Him inconsistent, it simply reflects the point I’ve reached in my journey. I would have broken free from tradition-based patterns more quickly, embracing a broader perspective and feeling less guilty when I dared to believe differently from what I had inherited.
I wish I had known that for everything or everyone that leaves my life, there’s a space left for another blessing. That blessing isn’t necessarily equivalent to what I’ve lost, but is often more suited to my current needs. This perspective would have soothed many of my frustrations and uncertainties. It would have given me the clarity to recognize the hidden value in every challenge, leading me to a more peaceful acceptance of change and encouraging me to explore the new with openness and curiosity.
I wish I had known that even though God is all-powerful, He still depends on me. While He has everything under control, I am the one who limits Him. I wish I had understood back then that when He doesn’t respond in the ways I expect, it would be more beneficial to look at what I still need to learn, at what I have yet to do, rather than making excuses based on my own limitations or weaknesses. This understanding would have accelerated my growth.
I wish I had known that God is never in a hurry and understood that He makes everything beautiful in its time. I wish I had realised that He measures time differently than I do, than we do. I would have handled social and familial pressures more easily, waited with more confidence for blessings that seemed delayed, given myself more time to live in the present, and welcomed early blessings with surprise rather than fear.
I wish I had known that God has a sense of humour. There have been many times when I found it amusing to see how things unexpectedly and favourably aligned in my life. Unfortunately, throughout life, I often misinterpreted this as irony from Him, thinking He was making jokes at my expense. I’m referring to all those situations that created discomfort or embarrassment, leading me to the same unresolved emotions. Now, I believe that when I manage not to be overwhelmed by inhibiting emotions and can step back to see things more clearly, I realise that God is teaching me serious lessons in a relaxed way. This perspective helps me accept them more easily and prevents me from taking myself too seriously, avoiding the risk of getting stuck, and instead, fully appreciating the humour in the situation.
I wish I had known that He sees the needs behind my sins. I wish I had understood even then that the problem of sin was definitively resolved at the Cross. I wish I had recognized that the presence of sin in my life now only brings me closer to Him, not further away; that by confronting sin, I am merely acknowledging Him as Lord and recognizing His power in my life. I wish I had understood that the exposure of sin creates opportunities to bring order within myself, at the level of mindset, emotions, perceptions, and decisions. I wish I had realised that His gaze doesn’t just see in black and white, but can discern an infinite range of shades: that He doesn’t judge me simplistically, based on actions as I often do, but profoundly, based on progress, attitude, desire, and seeking.
I wonder what I will write 20 years from now. Until then, I enjoy discovering Him.
Simona Condrachi is 43 years old and is a coach, mother, and wife. At 20, she was preparing for a career in diplomacy, studying at three universities simultaneously. As she grew closer to God, she realised that she could serve the Truth and others in a different way. Although diplomacy could have provided her with a platform to help people, she chose to dedicate herself to spiritual service, driven by a desire to live authentically and respond directly to the needs of those around her.
