Raising children with the ability to empathise is key in creating a kinder, more compassionate and loving world.
At the same time, children who can put themselves in someone else’s shoes are more likely to treat others with respect, understand the impact of their actions, and far less likely to engage in bullying behaviour.
Empathy is a taught skill and it all begins with you. How you model empathy to your children will in turn nurture their empathy towards others. Here’s how:
1. Connect with their emotions
When a child is upset, hurt, having a meltdown, confused or frustrated, the quickest way to display empathy starts with acknowledging their emotions. Validating your child’s feelings requires taking on the perspective of your child.
2. Name the emotions
The more emotions we recognise and can name within ourselves, the more we can recognise our children’s emotions. This teaches them to recognise these emotions within themselves and others.
3. Listen to them
Find out their perspective and listen without judgement. Listen more than you talk. Talk to validate their feelings and empathise, then listen. If we can’t be learners of what our children are experiencing then we can’t be empathetic, and they learn best from our actions.
4. Pay attention to what you and your child are feeling
The biggest mistake we can make when empathising with someone is to make their feelings about us. Be mindful of what feelings are being brought up in you, your body language and don’t over-identify with what they’re feeling.
5. Be non-judgemental
This applies to how you treat them but how you behave generally as well. When we judge others in front of our children, they listen and learn from our words and actions.
Want practical activities to teach empathy?
- To a superhero-loving child, talk about how they help others and right wrongs. Discuss how superheroes have different strengths and abilities that enable them to help in different ways, just like us.
- Look for everyday opportunities to help others: a smile, opening a door, giving up a seat, letting someone else go to the front of the line, pulling in a neighbour’s bin, etc.
- Encourage them to be kind to a friend who others are excluding or teasing.
- Find social justice groups that you can support: those who fight for justice for the poor, educate children or support women in poor communities.
Melody Tan is a passionate advocate for empowering mothers through connection, faith and digital engagement. She is project manager of Mums At The Table, a multimedia initiative aimed at supporting mothers in their parenting journey, through parenting resources, as well as connecting with mums through local events. She lives in Sydney with her husband and their primary-school-aged son. A version of this article first appeared on the Signs of the Times Australia/New Zealand website and is republished with permission. For more parenting tips, visit mumsatthetable.com.
