In a world of rising toxic masculinity, here are some basic foundations we can provide to ensure our sons grow up to be men who make us proud.
1. Show a little tenderness
Boys require as much warmth, tenderness and affection as do girls, but studies have shown that parents hug, cuddle and even talk to their sons less than their daughters.
2. Let him let his feelings out
Your son needs to learn about sadness, anger, happiness and fear, and the best way to do that is to see his parents (even dads) express them. Ignore the message that men should be “stoic” and “strong” and help your boy to express himself better through his body and emotions. They also need to know how to “hold” those feelings: how to be afraid, but not rattled; mad, but not dangerous; happy, but not stupid; and sad, but not overwhelmed or dismayed.
3. Help them learn self-control
Encourage your baby boy to move and be active, but he needs to learn self-control as well. This means knowing the appropriate time to back off and how not to “lose it”, especially when he’s angry, tired or frustrated.
4. Chivalry isn’t dead
Opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and ensuring the lady gets home safely after a date are just some of the many old-fashioned but still relevant chivalrous acts your son needs to learn. Teach him to do them not because women are the weaker gender, but because they are different and he respects them. Your son needs to learn that while gender differences exist, gender inequality shouldn’t.
5. Give him his independence
Teach your son to cook, clean and perform all the different chores needed to run an efficient household, and not expect his mum (or wife) to do them. Teach him also to care for others (playing with younger children or animals) and you’ll also provide him with opportunities to be tender.
6. Provide good role models
Fathers are vitally important when it comes to teaching boys to be good men, especially in their pre-teen years. When fathers are absent, male mentors and role models can also fill those shoes. While you’re at it, give him some strong female role models as well to help him learn respect for women and their accomplishments. Belong to a strong social group—church, sports, school—to ensure your son receives the type of mentoring he needs.
Melody Tan is a passionate advocate for empowering mothers through connection, faith and digital engagement. She is project manager of Mums At The Table. She lives in Sydney with her husband and their primary-school-aged son. A version of this article first appeared on the Signs of the Times Australia/New Zealand website and is republished with permission.
Mums At The Table is a multimedia initiative aimed at supporting mothers in their parenting journey, through parenting resources, as well as connecting with mums through local events. For more parenting tips, visit mumsatthetable.com.
