Confessions of former porn addicts and their parents or life partners, as well as shocking confessions made by actors in the porn industry, reveal what lies behind the XXX curtain.
Despite the testimonies and studies that reveal the harmful consequences of this addiction, pornography is still a subject hidden behind many myths, the acceptance of which harms pornography users.
Luke Gilkerson, manager of Covenant Eyes[1] and editor-in-chief of its website, made a list of the most common myths about pornography to bring them to the attention of those who believe that pornography is harmless.
Myths about pornography
“Pornography is harmless entertainment.” Entertainment is an enjoyable activity that produces pleasure and relaxation for a short period of time. In this light, argue the promoters of the myth, pornography can be considered entertainment, because it distracts from the concerns of everyday life, and the actors are paid to entertain.
In reality, the myth lies in the word “harmless”. Psychologists and neurologists who contradict this myth are backed by studies that show that frequent viewing of pornographic material is harmful. Such an example is a meta-analysis (a comparative statistic of all scientific data) which gathered the conclusions of some studies that totalled 12,000 subjects. According to the meta-analysis, the most frequent psychological consequence of pornography is a deviant attitude in intimate relationships (which translates into an erroneous perception of male sexual dominance and female submission, encouraging sexual stereotypes: the dominant man and the submissive woman). As for the behavioural consequences, the most common are fetishes (forms of sexual desire manifested in an abnormal degree towards objects), masturbation, and sexually aggressive behaviour.
“Pornography is a healthy means of sexual stimulation.” According to this myth, sexual health is synonymous with the concern of obtaining intense pleasure, the means being less important.
In fact, healthy sexuality is not only about the sexual component, but refers to several aspects, such as personality, identity, and the relationship between the two partners. Psychologists say that healthy sexuality includes not only physical pleasure but increased intimacy between partners. Gilkerson wonders how pornography leads to sexual health, given that “depictions of other basic aspects of human sexuality — such as communication between sexual partners, expressions of affection or emotion (except fear and lust), depictions of foreplay, afterplay, or friendly cuddling, and concern about sanitation or the consequences of sexual activities — are minimised”[2] in pornography.
Doctor of psychology Gary R. Brooks states that the consequences of pornography consumption apply even to mildly erotic images, when watched repeatedly. This behaviour can lead to voyeurism — the obsession with watching women or men, without interacting with them. The more pleasure one finds in voyeurism, the more dopamine the brain creates. Because pleasure comes only from looking, porn addicts are inclined to evaluate the opposite sex primarily in terms of aesthetics.
“Pornography is not addictive.” Those who feed this myth say that watching pornographic videos has no negative effects, much less that it can be addictive. However, pornography changes our opinion about sex and, in addition, establishes neural connections that reinforce these new opinions. This is the conclusion of a commission of American doctors and psychologists who stated before the American Senate that “pornography triggers myriad kinds of internal, natural drugs that mimic the ‘high’ from a street drug.”[3]
The “natural drug” or chemical substance referred to is dopamine, one of the main neurotransmitters. When the mind becomes accustomed to the generation of dopamine, it looks for sources to continuously obtain this euphoric feeling. For porn addicts, the state of euphoria comes from visual stimulation. Pornography delivers such rewards to the brain in the form of a short-term increase in dopamine levels, which improves the viewer’s mood for several hours.
The major difference is that drug addicts or alcoholics want more of the same substance, while people addicted to pornography quickly get used to the same type of stimuli and look for something else. The elements that attract are novelty, variety and the surprise factor, which can be obtained by viewing several photos or videos with even more shocking content than those previously watched. Basically, sex ceases to be a pleasure and a feverish search for extreme behaviours begins.
“Pornography addicts have a tougher time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, as it is possible to get the drug out of the system for cocaine users, but it is impossible to remove pornographic images from the brain, where it would be embedded forever,” explains Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the Cognitive Therapy Center of the University of Pennsylvania. Because of these recurring images, a strong will is needed, as these images will return, even after the habit has stopped.
“Pornography is a form of sex education for the inexperienced.” This myth states that pornography is a form of sexual education, free and dedicated to both individuals and couples.
The truth is that “inexperienced” individuals are the target group of online pornography. According to an infographic[4] made by American pastor Mark Driscoll,[5] the largest target age group is comprised of young people between 12 and 17 years old, which makes pornography all the more dangerous. In the case of young people, for whom pornography is the first contact with a sexual experience, pornography shows too little of what a true relationship means and the degree of intimacy between two partners. The sexual relationship is not presented in a context and it does not reflect at all the previous commitment between the two, their feelings of affection, or loyalty.
Pornography depicts behaviours that children and adolescents can and will copy. Thus, exposure to explicit images found in the house, due to parents’ inattention, sometimes has devastating consequences. A few years ago, Britain was shocked by the news that a 12-year-old boy in Edinburgh raped a 9-year-old girl after watching pornographic videos on his computer. An equally shocking case is the one in which an 8-month-old girl from Florida, USA, was killed by two brothers, 7 and 9 years old, who perforated her uterus with a pencil and a hanger.
For today’s young people, the euphoria offered by pornography has become a way to overcome difficult moments in life, according to psychotherapist Matt Bulkley, in an interview given with the American television station ABC. He believes that the phenomenon can turn into an epidemic. It is the perfect system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who won’t think about anything else but their drug, notes Bulkley.
“Only men are addicted to pornography.” The explanation behind this myth is that men are visually stimulated to a greater extent than women and that they have a greater sexual desire than women. Thus, pornography is said to be a consequence of their unquenchable sexual need.
According to a 2003 study conducted by Today’s Christian Woman, not only men are affected by the scourge of pornography, but also women, with one in six confessing that they struggle with pornography addiction. However, studies have shown that women who watch pornographic videos or images consume soft versions and have different motivations. These women have emotional needs (even when they have a stable relationship), which they try to fulfil through substitutes that vary from erotic literature to pornographic videos. Psychologists advise that emotional needs should be fulfilled within the relationship, and not outside of it.
The progression of pornography addiction
Pornography users can recognise certain signs of the stage of addiction they have reached. The first stage is the establishment of a daily pattern. Regardless of their activities, the consumer thinks about pornography throughout the day, even when they are not visually stimulated by such images.
The second stage is escalation. This is the moment when the individual searches for more graphic images, and more violent videos, so that what he or she previously considered disgusting and revolting (deviations such as necrophilia or zoophilia) now gives him or her pleasure.
The third stage is desensitisation, since no image, no matter how violent, no longer has the effect it had before. The addict ends up being permanently unsatisfied because they no longer feel the same state of euphoria—dopamine only reaches low levels.
The last stage is one of acting out sexually—that is, the transition from fiction to reality. After a while, it can become difficult for the pornography addict to separate reality from what they see online. They may want to act out scenes seen in pornographic movies.
Myths that are born from the consumption of pornography
“Relationships cannot be stable, monogamy is impossible.” Not everyone who watches pornographic images automatically becomes addicted. But they can acquire skewed ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children, and may become inconsistent in social relationships and unable to develop lasting relationships with friends and monogamous relationships with a partner.[6]
“Women are ready all the time and they enjoy being violated.” In pornographic images or videos, women are always ready, available, and willing to do whatever is asked of them. Additionally, many XXX film scenarios begin with women resisting sexual advances or screaming in pain, but later show that they enjoy it and want to have sex.
Sociologists and psychologists have identified at least three wrong ideas (some misogynistic) that pornography promotes:
- Women are less human; specifically, they are presented as small and cute animals or “playmates” (for example, Playboy bunnies);
- Women’s worth depends on how attractive their body is;
- Women like to be violated and therefore pornography teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women.
These ideas have a great impact on reality, as shown by gender studies carried out in the media.[7]
How to overcome porn addiction
Recognising you have an issue and the desire to quit pornography are the first steps in this tough fight. The struggle begins with deleting all temptations (from browser history and bookmarked websites to videos stored on the computer). The longer time goes by without the neural connections being re-established, the more the brain is able to push those images away.
Often, however, removing the sources of temptation does not make the problem go away, and diverting thoughts from the addiction is a challenge in itself. Some try to resume an old hobby so that the brain establishes new neural connections, based on good deeds, peace, joy, and self-control. Others are proactive and install software on their computer and phone that blocks access to porn sites. This method is especially effective when there is also another person who can check, at any time and without the user’s knowledge, the history of the websites accessed.
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If nothing else works, psychotherapy is the most commonly used method of treatment. Therapy has the role of addressing the two components of addiction: the cause of the desire for pornography and the person’s skewed ideas. Psychologist Anca Munteanu states that behind an addict’s behaviour there are many conscious and unconscious aspects to consider. For couples, it is essential that the partners go to therapy together, to find out where they stand and what fears and expectations they have.
Statistics show that the number of those who become addicted exceeds that of individuals who overcome the addiction. Pornography is a drug that is delivered non-stop and for free. However, any addict has a real chance to quit and reclaim their life.
