Walk into any shop and you will find yourself having to choose between not only hundreds of different products but even numerous varieties of a single product. You have two choices: settle for something good or search for the perfect choice. One of these choices will make you unhappy.
Counter-intuitively, you will be less happy if you make the perfect choice. You’ll waste a lot of time and energy searching for the best choice, whether it’s a job, a house, a car or a carton of milk. And eventually you’ll find it. But in the end you’ll be plagued by one thought: “Did I make the right choice, or could I have made an even better choice?”
Good enough, or perfect?
When faced with decisions, people can be divided into two categories, suggests Barry Schwartz in The Paradox of Choice. Those in the first category can be described as maximisers. “They agonize over decisions, because their decisions must be perfect. They also spend a lot of time on decisions. If you need to have the perfect sweater, say, then you’ve got to visit store after store to hunt it down,” explains counselling expert Meg Seling in an article for Psychology Today.
But all the effort and resources expended in the frantic search for the perfect product end up being wasted. Even after the decision has been made, the person will be pressured by the thought that somewhere out there is a better option than the one they’ve chosen, suggests J.D. Roth, founder of the Get Rich Slowly blog.
Those in the second category (“satisficers”), have a more realistic view of choices. Such a person sets criteria and, once these are ticked off, makes a decision. “It’s not that the satisficer necessarily settles for less; she settles for ‘good enough’ and ‘what works for me,'” Selig points out. Such an approach may be judged as mediocre, but “their criteria can be very high,” notes Gretchen Rubin, author of the international bestseller The Happiness Project.
The pitfalls of perfectionism
The pursuit of perfection can be seen as a double-edged sword. Driven by perfectionism, we can, on the one hand, either improve ourselves or make the (seemingly) best decisions. On the other hand, this drive for perfection can lead to regret, unhappiness, depression and falling into the trap of comparison, according to four studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The results also showed that maximisers are less likely to consider themselves happy, optimistic and satisfied with life. They also have lower self-esteem.
“Taken together, our studies suggest that although maximisers may in general achieve better objective outcomes than satisficers (as a result of their high standards and exhaustive search and decision procedures), they are likely to experience these outcomes as worse subjectively,” the authors conclude.
Based on the results, they observed that the situation can be explained by several characteristics and behaviours of these individuals. First, it is their desire to make the best choice, the energy they put into it, and the belief that they can make a better choice. Then, because of high expectations, a maximiser will not be easily satisfied and will find it harder to adapt even in favourable situations, because “there is always room for better.” They will almost never be satisfied with what they have achieved.
Perfectly happy with an imperfect life
Roth has extracted some of the methods that Schwartz recommends to maximisers, methods that they can integrate into their lives in order to be able to enjoy them despite their imperfections. The first of these relates to diminishing the importance of less important choices.
In a world where you have so many options and choices, and only one choice to make, it is important to learn to narrow your search and limit your options if you are inclined to seek perfection. Instead of visiting dozens of shops to find the perfect product, try to limit yourself to one. Also, stick with the product you usually use if it meets your needs, rather than looking for another option that might leave you wondering if you’ve made the right decision. As Roth points out, “habits make us happy.” Learn to be firm in your choices and avoid changing your mind.
Finally, people prone to perfectionism need to work with themselves to lower their exaggerated expectations, suggests Ann W. Smith, author of Overcoming Perfectionism: Finding the Key to Balance and Self-Acceptance. In this way, they’ll not only be able to enjoy their achievements, but also learn to accept those around them for who they are, in all their authenticity.
We cannot ignore the fact that some decisions require deep analysis, weighing of options and evaluation of consequences. But the perfect moment, the perfect product, the right place or the ideal person are impossible to find. And the more choices we have, the harder it is to make the perfect decision. “Remember that perfect is a moving target, one that’s almost impossible to hit,” writes Roth. Instead, give yourself time to be happy with the choice you’ve made—a choice that’s not perfect, but that suits you in every way.
