There is a poignant poem by the young Nicolae Labiș, a profound thinker and visionary who tragically passed away at the age of 21, that warns of the danger of wasting one’s life.
Reading it again recently inspired us to craft this message for the younger generation, considering relevant bio-psycho-cognitive characteristics, in the hope of offering useful suggestions. We’ve condensed our thoughts as if this were our only chance to communicate directly, aiming to be as comprehensive as possible through a text that allows time for solitary, lucid reflection.
False problems
To be succinct, let’s first list some false problems that we, too, have faced and observed in the youth around us, regardless of generation:
Peer pressure and the desire to fit in
In adolescence and early adulthood, there’s a tendency to strive to be “like everyone else” in the quest to fit into a group or community. However, if that “world” isn’t right and demands compromises, then we should not adapt to it. It’s better to seek a truly good group or prepare for a better one we aspire to in the future. We must be able to resist peer pressure! To do this, we could develop and use assertiveness. The importance and relevance of a group’s opinions about us, especially when young, simply evaporate as we move on to the next level (studies, age, cohabitation, professional specialisation, etc.).
The obsession with “normalcy”
During adolescence and youth, there’s an obsession with fitting into what is considered “normal.” We worry that we might not be normal in terms of development, achieving goals, going through stages, or what we feel. We shouldn’t fret over these concerns. Life doesn’t have fixed milestones, mandatory stages, programmed ages, or standardised achievements! There’s no set age for marriage or having children, no requirement to pursue certain studies, and no pressure to please everyone. On the other hand, it’s desirable to explore and cultivate our talents throughout life, not just with the aim of passing exams, but most importantly, to discover our vocation!
Fear of failure
In our youth, we often fear that we are not or will not be capable of achieving something significant, perhaps not even what others seem to accomplish effortlessly. We fear failure, but we should be confident that failure simply cannot exist for a young person. For the young, even the sky is not the limit but the target! Dare to dream big!
The misperceived distance
Another false problem that keeps children, teenagers, and young adults away from God is the misconception that He is too distant from them. They imagine that He intervenes in the lives of others or at decisive moments, but only when they receive what they have asked for. The rest of the time, they perceive silence. Their impatience to experience life and take initiatives leads them to fill this “silence” with their own mistakes and risks, which increases the inner turmoil they often feel.
Young people could spare themselves much unspoken turmoil, mistrust, disorientation, and rash actions if they understood that God does not change, that He is always with them, patiently waiting for them to fully place themselves in His hands. Their unrest is a warning that they are the ones moving away from Him. God desires to give them that peace of mind that “transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).
When you choose according to His will, you find peace despite any human threats. When you do not, you feel unrest despite any human assurances. This is a practical compass and is well worth using.
Real issues to consider
Incomplete Maturity and the Risk of Regression
During adolescence and early adulthood, we often believe that we have matured sufficiently and that we will remain this way for the rest of our lives. However, the reality is that psychological maturity progresses at a different pace than physical maturity. Throughout life, our character either grows or regresses. Unlike temperament, which is innate, character is cultivated. If we focus on refining it, we will enhance our qualities and diminish our flaws—something we all possess to varying degrees.
If we stubbornly consider ourselves “complete,” we will regress because qualities do not enhance on their own, while flaws do. These flaws will manifest more frequently and uncontrollably until they become bad habits and vices. Human failure truly occurs when someone becomes a slave to harmful dependencies. For instance, a young person who drinks alcohol just because they associate the habit with adult freedoms may not realise when dependency sets in. This dependency becomes evident when they feel a daily need for alcohol, no matter how little. This is the “voice” of the alcoholism genes activated by the new habit. To paraphrase the Apostle Paul: when you think you are strong, then you are weak.
Epigenetics reveals that everyone can control the activation or deactivation of such genes, regardless of genetic inheritance, depending on their lifestyle.
An immature view of freedom
Another real issue is the infantile vision of freedom, sometimes retained by “late teenagers,” which equates to independence from rules, laws, and the authority that enforces these. This leads to a rebellious or antisocial attitude. A mature view of freedom, however, entails reaching true freedom through the intelligent and responsible management of the relationship between rules and our desires. Andrei Pleșu calls this “moral talent” in his book Minima Moralia.
Mismanaging freedom and responsibility
There is often a gap between the early stages of maturity and responsibility during adolescence or young adulthood, on the one hand, and the more advanced stage of freedom to act and use certain means and opportunities, on the other hand. For instance, having access to a good car but driving recklessly; receiving money and wasting it on whims or dangerous habits; staying home alone and throwing a party that ends with the police being called. To prevent such situations, it would be advisable for teenagers to allow their parents to gradually calibrate the amount of freedom they are granted as they each mature individually, rather than following arbitrary age-based benchmarks like “I’m 18, I want a car,” “I’m 15, I have the right to sleep over at friends’ houses,” or “I passed my high school exam, now I can smoke.”
Misunderstanding the limits of reason
Especially among reflective, intelligent, and educated young people, there can be a tendency toward arrogance, vanity, and even cynicism stemming from the belief that reason is the be-all and end-all of understanding the world. You might think you can comprehend and grasp anything, given enough time to accumulate and sift through the necessary and sufficient knowledge to have a complete picture of the world. Consequently, you might dismiss what others consider mysterious, unfathomable, beyond human understanding, purely spiritual, or transcendent. You believe that you will not stumble where others have, and that you can bring more clarity to everyone.
What these young people need to do to know God and understand the many things in this world beyond the limits of weak human reason is to not disdain what they do not know and understand. They should value the mystery of existence and invite Him into their hearts with the honesty and purity of youth—virtues they may not yet be aware of but might realise only too late, after they have lost them. No young person is too “tainted” to turn back from the wrong path!
Selfishness and self-centeredness
In youth, a certain form of selfishness and/or self-centeredness becomes manifest. To some extent, this is understandable for individuals who are still getting to know themselves and who are navigating their surroundings tentatively, where others are already familiar with them. However, if selfishness and self-centeredness persist, they lead to the flaw of excessive self-love, which can alienate everyone, especially God. When we have acted selfishly or egocentrically to gain something—a benefit, an object, a better image, a victory, a favour, etc.—we should ask ourselves what we have lost: respect, appreciation, friendship, willingness to collaborate, promotion opportunities, the trust of others…or even His grace? As the selfish person ages, no matter how charming they may be, they risk ending up alone. True love involves pouring your soul outward toward another. It is a relationship, not just an experience.
Limiting God’s role
Regarding faith, young people tend to allocate God a certain space in their lives but want to make their own choices when it comes to their most fervent desires and concrete hopes. This is a major mistake because it is precisely in these areas that it would be wise to acknowledge that we are not equipped to choose, that we do not know ourselves well enough, and consequently, do not know what would bring us happiness. Only He knows us completely, with all our strengths and weaknesses, our chances and misfortunes, and if we fully surrender our lives to Him, only then will He choose what is truly right for us. Because only what is truly right for us can make us happy—not necessarily what we desire. Our desires can be inappropriate, absurd, misleading, foolish, etc., but His choices are, as the expression goes, made in heaven.
Temptations and curiosities with side effects
Another teenage habit that can persist throughout life is allowing the mind to wander into the dangerous realms of temptations and morbid curiosity, under the false assurance that everything is under control because it’s just internal, and as long as you don’t act on it, imagination doesn’t matter. Wrong! Imagining something is also a fact, and delving into evil thoughts can shape them into “creatures” that take over our thinking and feeling. Therefore, a wise biblical exhortation is to reject any such “dragon” from the start, to refuse even to think certain words. We should get used to mental hygiene, just as we maintain bodily hygiene. Evil works first on our emotions, not our beliefs. No matter how good they are, beliefs can crumble if our emotions have enticed us and corrupted our character.
Uncertainties about identity and purpose
Another issue typical of young people, but one that can become permanent without knowing God, is the constant uncertainty about the future and destiny. This results in an inner insecurity, a vague, underlying state that diminishes the strength of other feelings or emotions. It’s an uncertainty that makes us doubt who we are and leaves us unsure of what we might become, achieve, or obtain. It seems like any joy or full happiness is postponed for another time or attributed to someone else. You are both present and absent in your own life; you wish for someone else’s life.
This state vanishes entirely when you surrender yourself to Him with your whole being. The insecurity then becomes insignificant compared to the grander perspective you gain from above, knowing the solemn promise you have received. Sometimes, this realisation comes only in old age, when it would have been so beneficial to experience it from the beginning to avoid losing decades of true life. Only then do you truly know who you are, because you feel that you are loved by God.
How can you live from the start on the foundation of this promise of your cosmic destiny? By drawing ever closer to God “with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13), because it is impossible to know Him more without loving Him more. Then, from His love for you, which you continuously discover in miraculous ways, your love for Him and for others is nourished. This is the only force that helps you live your life “to the full” (John 10:10—yet another promise!) without exhausting and wasting yourself as a person.
And, since human understanding truly pales in comparison to the miracle of knowing Him, we can simply allow ourselves to be comforted by His love, which “surpasses knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19). For this complete and fulfilling love, it is worth living and embracing our most valuable identity: that of children of God.
Corina Matei and Dumitru Borţun, recalling from personal experience, summarise, analyse, and propose solutions to a series of issues young people face regarding their lives, development, community integration, destiny, and communion with God.
