Adolescence is not a series to watch with your teenage child, but it is a series that may cause mature viewers to re-evaluate their relationship with their own children, as well as their relationship with their parents.
Written by Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham, the crime drama miniseries tells the story of a teenager accused of murder. It has received a wave of positive reviews from educational experts, psychologists and observers of the contemporary zeitgeist. Beyond the talent of newcomer Owen Cooper, who brings the main character Jamie to life, and beyond the spectacular one-shot cinematography that heightens the tension and anxiety of each of the four episodes of the mini-series, the great merit of Adolescence is its ability to convince us that the proverbial generation gap is now a stage that neither children nor parents can afford to cross with merely the hope that “this too shall pass.”
What is Adolescence really about?
The miniseries has been described as “the drama that will horrify all parents“, although the film absolves parents of any blame. If one of the secrets of the genre is to keep the viewer in suspense until the causes are revealed, Adolescence avoids the clichés of physical or emotional abuse in the family, briefly inventories some of the causes, and dizzyingly focuses on the cascading effects. “I didn’t want his dad to be a violent man,” Graham explains in an interview. “I didn’t want Mum to be a drinker. I didn’t want our young boy to be molested by his uncle Tony. I wanted to remove all of those possibilities for us to go: ‘Oh, that’s why he did it'”.
So, at the end of Adolescence, the viewers, unsure whether any of the causes could have been prevented, are left with an acute need to take action themselves: to pick up their child, to call their parents, to read on Wikipedia what incel means, to look at the controversies surrounding Andrew Tate.
Moreover, in several interviews with specialised publications, the screenwriters point out that Tate’s name is only mentioned by adults in the film. The result is a powerful symbol of the distance between the adult, who can understand the devastation caused by viral non-values, and the teenager, whose ignorance inherent in his age makes him vulnerable to such cultural influences.
The scenes in which Jamie talks to the psychologist and gets caught up in the web of his own maturation are particularly unsettling. The dialogue between the two reveals a boy stuck between childhood and adulthood, in an unstable in-between state that he has to navigate far away from his parents, who still love him unconditionally.
The most striking image, however, is the final one of the father, who, tucking in the teddy bear of the imprisoned child, tries to anchor himself in the past, which is dear to him and which he finds more familiar than the strange world, different from everything he has known before, in which he is forced to live and be the head of the family.
An unintentional parable
Although Adolescence is not intended as a religious parable, some of its motifs have a particular resonance for Christian audiences. Perhaps the most elaborate of these motifs is that of the unconditional love of the father, who continues to protect Jamie, even from his grief as an adult who has a deeper sense of what the whole family is going through. We see in Jamie a prodigal son who finds it appropriate to (euphemistically) confess his guilt on his father’s birthday, telling him that he has “decided to plead guilty.” And the man, crushed inside, his car still smeared with the paint he used to cover up the offensive graffiti he found on the van, still finds the strength to respond not to his own needs, however legitimate, but to the emotional needs of his child.
It’s moving that although the film explains the motive, it doesn’t really explain the causes; the crime, like sin in the Christian metanarrative, is senseless. Jamie had grown up in a family of simple people with an uncomplicated past, loving, generous, even sacrificial. In contrast to the misfortune that befalls them, Jamie’s family is a healthy one. Jamie, however, is not. He’s intelligent, but something deep and fundamental in his mind is not working properly. As if further arguments were needed, the film ingeniously draws a parallel between Jamie’s situation and that of Detective Bascombe’s son. Bascombe’s son is also a teenager, he is also bullied by his peers and has a father who works most of the day. But he doesn’t end up killing. On the contrary, by taking responsibility and reaching out to his father, he provides the missing piece in the investigation and speeds up the resolution of the case.
Adolescence and the inventory of parental fears
Some have expressed the regret that Adolescence does not offer an in-depth look at the inner world of today’s teenagers. This is because Adolescence is not really about the “teenager” as an individual, but about “adolescence” and the complex ways in which it challenges parents. In a sense, adolescence is a concretisation of parents’ darkest fears: the fear that the “little one” has grown so much that he or she has inevitably become distant, the fear of being replaced by a unknown mentor who may instil dangerous values, the fear of not understanding the child’s changing world, the fear that the one who once depended on the family may become a stranger capable of unpredictable and irreversible harm.
Although not sufficiently visible or discussed, the fears and anxieties of parents of teenagers can come to dominate their emotional world, even triggering an identity crisis. But a crisis is not necessarily a negative thing. It often signals the need for change. In this sense, it can become an opportunity to rethink approaches and do things better than before.
From Adolescence to a strategy for real adolescence
It is perfectly normal for parents to feel regret or even fear when their child begins to change his or her circle of influence, prioritising friends over family. It is helpful for parents to talk to a trusted friend so that they can vent and not become emotionally overwhelmed in their interactions with the teenagers. Parents may have fears or some misunderstandings about the child’s new environment that they can express to the child, but it is best to do so in an atmosphere of respect.
Respect is a key word in the relationship between parents and teenagers. It can often be difficult for parents to teach the teenager to listen out of respect rather than fear. This is partly because it is tempting to use fear as an effective way of getting the child to comply. However, if parents explain to the young person the context and values underlying the rules, while at the same time being sensitive to the teen’s values, even if they are different, the young person is more likely to obey the rules out of respect. He or she needs to know that it is safe to express his or her thoughts, even if they do not coincide with the parents’ perspective.
The emotional intensity that characterises the teenage years can lead to parental burnout because of the constant need to negotiate boundaries and rules. One solution might be to establish a basic set of non-negotiable rules such as: respect, honesty, mandatory communication when plans change, personal safety (no drinking, no smoking, no getting into a vehicle if the driver has consumed anything that might impair judgement), no giving out personal information on the Internet, no bullying, no accessing illegal content.
To this basic set can be added negotiable aspects such as bedtime, weekend activities, the number of hours spent in front of the screen, some experimentation with clothing, how we share chores around the house, the pocket money budget, or places to go out with friends. The balance between the two sets of rules provides the teenager with a foundation, a moral framework, but also a much-needed space for self-expression.
As in early childhood, spending time together is the necessary foundation for the child’s development and implies a dual knowledge for parents: both self-knowledge and the discovery of the teenager’s new universe.
Parents are the leaders of their families. And like any leader, they must start from a careful analysis of personal and family goals, without neglecting their own careers, personal hobbies and activities with loved ones. As children reach adolescence, parents often find themselves without the support network they had when the child was young and a trip to the park naturally created a circle of conversation and solutions. There may therefore be a need to reactivate or even create a support network, whether through the religious community, the child’s school or even online.
Parents often carry painful memories of their own adolescence, of the insecurity, shame and suffering they experienced. These resurface as their child enters the same stage of life. But the parents now have resources and tools they did not have in the past and can use this awareness to guide the adolescent with more empathy and patience.
When parents learn to identify emotionally challenging situations that cause anger, anxiety or frustration, they can use emotional regulation techniques to help them deal with the situation calmly and wisely. Keeping a diary or regularly analysing their reactions can be very helpful. And in crisis situations, it is effective to use simple techniques similar to those used to manage tantrums in young children—deep breathing, grounding, and adopting a calm leadership posture.
Getting to know a teenager requires an active interest, it requires parents to try to find out and understand the inner workings of the music, influencers, or the online platforms that are part of the child’s life. It requires parents to find out what they are passionate about so that they can build bridges across the generational divide. Sometimes a simple and effective solution is to find a shared activity that both parents and teenagers enjoy—a walk, a sport, a film, a strategy game. These moments can become a neutral space, a meeting place, where dialogue can happen naturally, without pressure or confrontation.
In the end, if parents succeed in creating a safe space (physically, emotionally and spiritually) in which the adolescent can explore his or her becoming as a human being, and if they succeed in instilling in the adolescent the conviction that whatever mistakes he or she may make, they will remain by his or her side, not only as an authority but also as a true ally and support, then we can consider that they have succeeded in their mission as parents.
