What do you do when a relationship no longer feels right or doesn’t meet your expectations? Do you try to fix it, or are you more inclined to walk away? Here are a few things worth considering before making the decision to end a relationship.
No matter how deeply in love you are, how convinced you are that your partner is your soulmate, there may come a time when all the magic and happiness you once felt begin to fade. Even when you’re with the right person, maintaining a healthy, loving relationship—one built on understanding, patience, and kindness—is never easy. And it becomes even harder when you start to realise that, for various reasons, your partner might not have been the best choice after all.
Disagreements and conflict are a natural part of any relationship. Each person comes with their own past, experiences, temperament, and personality—factors that shape who they are and make them different from anyone else. What truly sets a successful relationship apart from one heading for failure is the attitude, willingness, and approach both partners take in resolving conflicts.
In many cases, when problems arise, people tend to respond in one of two ways: they either discard the relationship like an old, broken toy, without making an effort to repair it, or they justify their own actions and emotions by placing all the blame on the other person. This often goes hand in hand with another common mistake: the tendency to focus on changing your partner, while rarely stopping to reflect on whether you yourself might need to change.
Psychologist Lisa Firestone, writing for Psychology Today, outlines several things you can try before deciding to end a relationship:
Reflect on what brought you together.
This can be challenging—especially when you’re feeling hurt or angry with your partner. But if you manage to recall the feelings you shared at the beginning of the relationship—the love you had for each other, the good times, the successes you celebrated together, the hardships and difficult moments you overcame side by side—you’ll realise how many beautiful things you still have in common, and you’ll start to see the present problems that seem to divide you in a different light. At the same time, before placing all the blame on your partner, ask yourself: “Have I given my best to this relationship?” If the answer is no, then it may be time to focus on making changes in your own behaviour, eharmony.com suggests.
Break the routine.
More often than not, routine creeps in quietly and unnoticed. Acts of affection fade, kind words become rare, and with them, interest and attraction may begin to wane. When you realise this is happening, don’t stay passive. Take the initiative to shake things up—bring fresh energy into the relationship without waiting for your partner to make the first move. Chances are, your proactive attitude will spark a positive response in return.
Examine how the past is shaping the present.
In difficult moments, it’s common for partners to highlight and exaggerate each other’s flaws while minimising or ignoring the other’s strengths. Qualities that were once appreciated may now seem irrelevant, while past issues that were previously overlooked suddenly appear insurmountable. Psychologists say this tendency often stems from unconscious patterns developed in childhood or earlier life experiences. When you recognise this dynamic, take time to reflect on how your past might be negatively influencing your present reactions—and take steps to address it.
Try unilateral disarmament.
Conflicts can easily snowball. Left unresolved, small disagreements accumulate, criticism increases, voices get louder, and arguments become more hostile. This destructive pattern chips away at the relationship. When that happens, it’s time to look inward and initiate what psychologists call “unilateral disarmament.” This means changing your own attitude—choosing not to react as you usually do, and instead approaching your partner with greater understanding. This shift prioritises reconnection over being right.
Remember: the only person you have control over and can truly change is yourself. Don’t fall into the role of the victim—take initiative for both your relationship and yourself. Be kinder, more open, and more willing to love and forgive. These things will help you grow and build better relationships.
