In 1997, Dr Gary Chapman released the book The 5 Love Languages of Childrenas a follow-up to his bestseller, The Five Love Languages.
The concepts that Dr Chapman shares in his book are essentially about how to increase a child’s sense of self-worth, love, belonging and role in the family. He narrowed down the ways children feel loved to five key ones (not dissimilar from the original).
While many parents have reported the book has helped children feel more deeply understood, valued and, most of all, loved, Dr Chapman’s work is not without controversy. Critics have pointed out a lack of scientific evidence to support the theory, its vagueness and potential
oversimplification of the categories, and the potential for misuse.
There is however, still merit in the ideas behind love languages in that focusing on them can help you strengthen your relationship with your child. The key is to remember, and as pointed out by Dr Chapman himself, even if your child has a dominant love language, they will benefit from all five ways of receiving love.
It is crucial that you still practise all five love languages. Show them love in all the languages and then teach them how to use these for themselves. The value is not only for your children but for the people with whom they will live and associate with.
Here’s a bit more about the five love languages for kids:
1. Words of affirmation
Compliment them or their work. Have interactive conversations with them, both sharing your thoughts. These kids may love a good book, thoughtful gifts which include words, and heartfelt messages (think a note in the lunch box).
2. Acts of service
Allow them to help you and offer your help whenever appropriate. Thoughtful acts and unexpected assistance can make them feel like you appreciate them. There are lots of practical ways you can show your child you love them without saying a word.
3. Gifts
Give them something tangible that lets them know you were thinking about them. Something in their favourite colour, animal they love or food they enjoy to show you know what they like. Gifts don’t have to be expensive or even cost at all. Be creative!
4. Quality time
Every child wants to connect with their primary caregiver. Quality time doesn’t necessarily look like hours on end of uninterrupted play, but it does require genuine undivided interest to make it count.
5. Physical touch
All children thrive on physical contact. This could be a pat on the back, a hug, holding hands while going on a walk or a game of tickles.
