Isaac and Rebecca, two biblical characters, had problems in their marriage. At first they struggled to fall pregnant. Then, when she eventually got pregnant, it was a difficult pregnancy, which affected them very much—so much so that they didn’t know what to do. I suppose they had all sorts of discussions about the situation, but at some point the discomfort just became too much for Rebecca.
They decided together that they needed help. And the Bible says that they went “to inquire of the Lord” (Genesis 25:22). I wonder where they must have gone. There was no temple of the Lord at that time, and we are not told of any known prophet. But there must have been someone to whom they could have turned for help in this situation. A family in need of help looks for someone who has the ability to help them understand what is going on and what they need to do next—a typical case of counselling, perhaps the first known case of family counselling in Scripture.
What is Christian counselling?
Christian counselling represents a wide range of approaches to counselling. It is generally understood as an attempt to combine psychology with Christian theology. In therapy, the counsellor will seek not only the psychological health of the client, but also the Christian spiritual health.
A controversial relationship between Christianity and psychologyThere is a long and rather complicated relationship between psychology and theology. Summarising the different approaches, Siang-Yang Tan outlines the following models of the relationship between psychology and theology: (a) The Against Model—Christianity is opposed to psychology, a view commonly held by conservative or fundamentalist Christians; (b) The Colonial Model—Christian psychology, grounded in a theological worldview, dominates or replaces secular psychology; (c) The Parallel Model—Christianity and psychology are regarded as equally valid disciplines, but essentially separate; (d) The Integrative Model—Psychology and theology are brought together in a coherent and balanced framework. In Lawrence J. Crabb’s view, the relationship between the two can be described as: (a) Separate but equal—theology and psychology are seen as distinct but equally valid sources of truth; (b) Tossed salad—elements of psychology and theology are mixed together without a cohesive framework; (c) Biblical reductionism—psychology is considered unnecessary or irrelevant, since the Bible alone is sufficient to address human problems and needs; (d) Egyptian gold—any concept or technique from secular psychology may be used if it is compatible with Scripture, but Scripture must have the final authority.[1] It is not the purpose of this article to develop or resolve the long-standing controversy between psychology and theology, but it is good to know that there is no unanimously accepted solution. |
A Biblical approach to Christian counselling
Why is Christian counselling needed when secular counselling is available? Although there are some similarities (both seek to help the couple find solutions to their problems under the guidance of a third person), there are significant differences in the values, goals, and methods of the two approaches.
Keith Puffer describes human nature as being created in the image and likeness of God. Although fallen, marked by a sinful nature, and searching for meaning, people are still redeemable, open to the work of God’s Spirit, and capable of transformation in accordance with God’s purposes.[2] With this statement in mind, Tan[3] suggests the following necessary elements for a Christian approach to counselling:
- Basic psychological and spiritual needs include the need for security (love), meaning (purpose/impact) and hope (forgiveness).
- The fundamental problem is sin—but not all emotional suffering is caused by personal sin.
- The ultimate goal of humanity is to know God and have spiritual health.
- Problematic emotions are usually caused by problematic behaviour and especially problematic thinking. However, biological factors or supernatural/demonic influences should also be considered.
- We should keep in view a holistic view of the person—everyone has physical, mental/emotional, social and spiritual dimensions.
What makes Christian marriage counselling different is that it explicitly includes the spiritual aspect. While the main aim of secular psychotherapy is to reduce psychological symptoms/harm, Christian counselling aims not only to reduce psychological symptoms/harm, but also to draw closer to God through through strengthening faith and recognising the relevance and authority of Scripture in finding solutions to family problems through faith in Jesus Christ.
Benefits of Christian marriage counselling
From a Christian perspective, marriage is a sacred institution: “Jesus proclaimed it to be the lifelong union of one man and one woman in loving communion. For Christians, the covenant of marriage is made with God, as it is with one’s life partner.” However, it requires constant effort, commitment, and understanding on the part of both partners. Even the strongest marriages can encounter obstacles and difficulties. In such situations, Christian counselling can offer two essential benefits:
The presence of a counsellor who recognises and supports your values
The comfort of a counsellor who shares your values and beliefs and who can facilitate the development of a good therapeutic relationship, which is fundamental to effective therapy.
The stated aim of facilitating a closer relationship with God as an integral part of the couple’s relationship
From a Christian perspective, the marriage relationship becomes more stable and enduring when the relationship with God is central and integral to their lives. The self-centred approach, which insists on fulfilling needs, avoiding conflict and living in a state of constant bliss, can even be seen as idolatry. In secular counselling, understanding and willpower are factors for change. Solving some of the problems that partners face in marriage requires certain skills and abilities that do not always come naturally. Although gaining new skills and wisdom is an important part of the counselling process, Christian counselling involves more than that. In Christian counselling, the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit, based on human cooperation, provides supernatural power for change.
When should you seek counselling?
Seeking advice and help is a characteristic of the wise, according to Scripture (see Proverbs 1:5). In every relationship there are difficult situations that, if not handled properly, can create rifts that are difficult to overcome and wounds that are difficult to heal. Because of pride or shame, some people do not want to seek the help that would lead to resolving problems and possibly even saving the relationship.
Special attention should be paid to recurring problems. Some of these problems are: (1) inability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way; (2) one partner dominating the relationship and the other’s needs not being met; (3) an inability to find solutions together; (4) communication blocks; (5) confusion about roles in the relationship; (6) pornography; (7) disagreements about parenting; (8) addictions; (9) abuse. When these occur, help is needed.
As in Isaac and Rebecca’s case, help should be sought—and help will be received.
Marius Andrei believes that Christian counselling is beneficial for couples because it includes the spiritual dimension in therapy.
